The Allume conference has came and past. A whirlwind of take offs and landings, business cards and name badges, roommates and chocolates, speakers and an out pouring of encouragement.

When God calls you to the other side of the country, leaving your three children and traveling alone for the first time, it is quite an adventure and a constant reminder of his provision; Jehovah - Jireh. An entire exercise in trust, something God has been working on in me this year.

Trusting God to lead and for me to follow.

Trusting that whatever God had for me during this time, it would be just what he had planned.

Trusting that everything would be secure on the home front.

Trusting that I would make my flights and find the connections, despite my lack of direction and the playing of musical gates with the airlines as they decided which one was now best.

Trusting I would make it on the correct shuttle to the hotel and not on the one that stood waiting long before I was there.

Trusting my rotating roommates would be genuine and not on the creeper side.

And God came through. My husband rocked the home; complete with Chick-fil-a and night feedings. I made each flight, even though one was overbooked and my seat was TBD and I was the final person to board. The shuttle came on time, despite a delayed flight. My roommates were the sweetest women, more than I could have imagined. And peace lavishly covered each day and hour.

The speakers were authentic and held beautiful incites and truths but it was the conversations with women from across the US (and Canada) that sewed the conference together so eloquently, along with those on the planes and streets. The way God brought each one together at just the right moment. One Spirit lead conversation after another with threads only God could sew. Another reason to stand in awe and wonder at him. Life's trials and journey's exchanged; meeting one another as words formed pictures of days past, now redeemed and hemmed in hope and sent with encouragement. Seeing glimpses of the Masterpiece coming together this side of eternity.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding; 
in all your ways submit to him,    
    and he will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

This verse has been embedded in this year and a constant encouragement throughout the days for I could never understand it all.

Praying whatever you are holding in your hands that you would give it to the Lord. That you would trust he is working out everything for your good and know there is nothing you can do to slow it down or speed it up or work out. He is in control of even the smallest of things because he truly cares for you - his child. Praying your eyes would be opened to the areas where trust is lacking and that you would jump in with both feet covered in faith and radiating in his peace.

Here's to more trust and adventures. 

One of my favorite parts of the day is the watercolor session with my four year old, when the boys are mostly napping, after we have had our bible study and with a warm soy chai in hand.

Months back I came across old watercolors from a fashion drawing class in college I could not have disliked more - drawing is not something I excel in, even remotely, though my teacher was highly gifted and sweet. Showing me strokes that flowed off her fingers like it was nothing only to have mine end up with tangles and knots that have way too odd curves. Give me stick figures any day.

But on that day months ago, they seemed intruding, especially after watching Penny dapple in her set days prior.

And so it began. A time of mixing and playing and practicing and brush strokes and water and colors of the rainbow strewn about. Neither of us an expert in the area but enjoying figuring it out and experimenting none the less.

In our Christian walk, we tell ourselves we have to know so much in order to teach anything. We have to be able to say the Road to Romans and have bible verses memorized and be a theologian to share the gospel. We put ourselves down and do not teach others because we are never qualified enough. We lose out on wisdom gained from others and vice versa because we are too afraid to share.

I find great amusement in the way God has wired us and the lessons he teaches us at different times. No matter how long we have walked as a Christian, everyone is at a different level in various areas of their faith. In fully surrendering and trusting God.

Some may have been a follower for decades but have never learned the truth that God will provide because of self sufficiency in material possessions, until a great loss occurs later. Others struggle to trust God with their family, knowing whatever happens to them is in God's control. Or perhaps trusting with their children, that God has in store for their future. And still others with jobs or school or past traumas. And the list goes on.

But we are always in a place to learn and grow and prosper in the Truth. Sharing is the key. And teaching what you know thus far is imperative.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart

    and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him,
    and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6

It is trusting God that we can share our stories and share the failures and the triumphs and the redemption and teach others what we have learned through experience. It is trusting God that though you struggle in an area in your faith, knowing that he will be faithful and continue to work complete his good work in you.

Praying that though it may seem like it is something you can hardly teach due to lack of skill set, that you would pray for guidance and wisdom and that you would dabble in it together anyway, learning together as you go. Because that is how faith grows and community forms and how God answers. 

Praying that when it seems like you have nothing to give and nothing to teach or the energy to think about such things or the time to prep for them that God would wrap you in his truth and bind them around your heart and you could not help but speak of what you have seen and heard. 

Here's to more trust and teaching. 

When Peter and Andrew and the other ten were called by Jesus to come and follow him, surely they never would have dreamed what would come about. All the healing of the sick and restoration of the blind and the thousands fed with a few loaves and fishes and the evil spirits cast out and walking on water. Miracle after miracle was performed before their eyes.

When you follow Jesus, you never know what will come of it. It is one step of faith after another. It is an endless chasing of the wild goose.

As God has lead me to writing, he has been leading me to other adventures out of my comfort zone with it. Things like taking a trip to the other side of the states by myself to attend a writing conference and fundraising to offset the cost.

Oceans by Hillsong could be my anthem and the fix to the awkward + nervousness + excitement that the whole thing is entailing Have a listen.

Spirit lead me where my trust is without borders

Let me walk upon the waters

Wherever You would call me

Take me deeper than my feet could ever wander

And my faith will be made stronger

In the presence of my Savior

In October, a group of God loving ladies will gather to connect and encourage one another in writing about Jesus at the Allume conference. A trip that will be roughly cost $1500 and be an opportunity for God to remind me that his ways are not mine and to fully trust him.

I have never packed my bags to travel alone. I have never done a solo flight. I have never been to the East Coast. I have never spent that much on a trip for myself, or my family. And honestly, I would never want to. But God keeps nudging and prodding and saying go. So this is the start of the adventure to follow him.

And in a fashion only God would do, I am fundraising to offset the cost via mugs, little cups of truth. I know, God is so funny.

A small shop is set up here, if you are interested in purchasing one. If you are local, I can deliver, just let me know. And if you could say a prayer for me, I would appreciate it more than you know.

Praying that if you feel God leading you to do something that you would jump in with both feet and get ready to get messy and dig and work and learn more than you would have imagined. Praying your comfort zones would continue to fall and humbleness would soak through. Praying that your faith would be made stronger and that you would see the miracles along the way and point others towards Jesus.

Here's to guiding and adventure. 

Penny had fallen asleep in the car, so we transferred her straight to bed, without changing in to her jammies. When she woke to use the bathroom, she noticed and wanted to change and asked for help. Half way through, she had a change of heart and wanted no help. In her tired state of mind, she decided to do it by herself, putting back on the clothes from the day.

With frustration, she proceeded to put her shirt on upside down, inside out and backwards. As she cried, stating she needed no help and could do it herself, I waited.

And God reminded me of how often we say we will follow him and cast off our old selves, only to be held in bondage by the days past. How we willingly go back to our sin. We go back to trusting ourselves to knowing what is best for us, instead of trusting God; thus make a mess of things as we meander through it all. Instead of putting off the old self and the things that hinder, we hold them tighter and mix them up with things of God. For when we are in that place, we cannot hear wisdom or guidance from God or others. And in some cases, doing whatever we are doing all in the name of Jesus.

Penny proceeded to tell me to go away please, that she did not need me. I asked if she was sure. And she assured me she was, as she laid on the floor with a mess of clothes.

And like that, we tell God we don't need him either. He can go away because we are good. We are good doing our own thing. We don't need anyone to help. But we do. We need God. We need him to come in and show us how to let go. How to transform our old self in for his purposes and take our brokenness and use that for his glory. How to cast our cares to him and trust him. Truly trust him.

Cast Your Cares by Tim Timmons fits here. Have a listen.

I will cast my cares on You the almighty
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You're good
I will cast my cares on You 'cause You love me, You love me

You were taught, with regard to your former way of life, to put off your old self, which is being corrupted by its deceitful desires; to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness. Ephesians 4:22-24

Praying that you would fully cast your cares God. That you would cast off everything that hinders you and the sin that so easily entangles. Praying that instead of seeking self reliance that you would seek dependence on God. Praying that you would continue to be renewed and revitalized in your walk with Christ and not be held in bondage from the past. That you would seek the things of his kingdom and his teachings above the world.

Here's to casting off the old for new.  

Over the past year, God has opened my eyes to small things that I thought I trusted him with and made me realize otherwise. He has shown me how some responses have been rooted in fear, instead out of pure trust. These days, he reminds me to ask myself what my decision is based on before answering. If it is rooted out of fear - what might happen or the possible side effects - then it is not of trust or him. Good judgment is crucial and trusting God that if something were to happen that it is all in the palm of his hand. Entirely depending on him for the outcome.

It is small daily fears that so easily entangle. Yes, fears of heights and alligators and sharks may be typical but usually do not pose a daily threat, whereas the fear of a school shooting or car accident or failing at a presentation at work or school may hold you captive and instill an automatic no response. Fear of your child being at school during a shooting or not get the best education, so he is moved to another. Fear of your child being in a car accident with a loved one driving, so she stays home. Fear of not being able to meet work expectations, so you decline the promotion or project. Fear of people looking down on you, so you do whatever is required. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something outside of your control. These are little snares that so easily entrap you throughout the day that you may not have even noticed them.

Tis so Sweet by Jadon Lavik is a beautiful version this classic. Have a listen.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”

It is sweet to trust in Jesus. And rest in his Word and his promises. To not have to worry about anything. Scripture has so much to say about trust and testimonies of those who have gone before us with the benefits of trusting God. Abraham trusted God to go to a new land. Moses trusted God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Noah trusted and built an ark. Trust is not something that happens over night. It takes time. It requires a giving up of yourself to be able to trust God. To gauge his dependency status. To give him a chance to come through or if you will have to do it yourself. To allow him the follow through.

Praying that you will put your complete trust in God. Praying that you would not lean on your own understanding of the situation because sometimes we are not meant to understand but simply follow in obedience. Praying that you would be conscious of what you are basing your decisions off of and that God would guide you to one that requires trust. Praying that trust in him would be built and would be a constant in life. Praying that fear would not have a grip on you and for trust to be embedded in your being.

Here's to decisions and less fear. Here's to more confidence in God.

Throughout the years, I kept a mental list of nevers. I would never work retail again. I would never be a pastor's wife. I would never ever drive a minivan. I would never. I would never. And then God showed me otherwise. He challenged my nevers through his guidance and obedience and opened my eyes to his blessings. 

It was easy to sit back and say I would never drive a minivan until we started a family and realized the lack of options within our budget for a vehicle with three rows. A minivan became the best purchase option. And I laughed at myself as I drove home with it, thanking God for his provision yet again.

Nevers have a way of building preconceived notions on issues. Never going to forgive him for what he did. Never going to move on from that hurt. Never going to be good enough for her. Never going to find a job that fits. Never going to find Mr. Right. Never going to be physically healed. Never going to be out of debt. Never going to have a good marriage. Never. Never. Never. It is these little slivers that block the truth from pouring in to our lives.

These thoughts are toxic to our well being, especially when they become louder than what God says in his Word.

He said, "Go and tell this people: "'Be ever hearing, but never understanding; be ever seeing, but never perceiving.' Isaiah 6:9

God warns Isaiah that the Israelites are not going to listen to his message but to tell it anyway. The people will hear it but not understand what is being said because their hearts were hard. They were filled with nevers - one of them being God would never punish them. And their false prophets assured them they were just dandy.

Sitting in church, it is easy to constantly hear the message and see what God is doing but never actually turn to him and allow him to break down your walls and take away your nevers and heal you, as he promises (Isaiah 6:10).

If you follow Jesus, are you hearing the word AND understanding what it says? Are you hearing the ringing of your nevers or the sound of Jesus singing over you with the voice of truth? 

Praying that you allow God to move in your life and thoughts and that he would transform your nevers in to pure trust and humility because it is hard to go back on your nevers. Praying that as you hear the Word of the Lord through sermons or podcasts or bible study that you would understand what you are being taught and that it would change your perspective on life.

Praying that your mind would be renewed in the possibilities of God because all things are possible through him (Philippians 4:13). 

Here's to nevers and transformation. 

The waiting period.  

Someone shared with me recently that she did not have enough to pay her rent. She has been learning to trust God but said he was taking too long, so she went out and bought lottery tickets, instead of waiting for him to fill her need. She admitted she was wrong and had not waited and of course, her tickets did not hold the winning numbers. I thanked her for her transparency because it was a big thing to share and not often does a person see the wrongs of her ways so quickly but God had showed her and she is continuing to learn and trust and wait.

Waiting is such a fickle thing. Something you cannot quite gauge that pops up at the most inopportune times and seems to smirk as it goes along. Waiting erupts in to questions and what ifs and soon you find yourself up the creek before you ever even got in the boat. 

It can drive you to do things you would not normally do or ever think of doing. Like Sarah, who after desperately waiting for the child God promised, gives Abraham permission to take another wife to have a child (Genesis 16:2).  

Waiting can also create idols. The longer you wait for something, the more that you want it, the tighter you tend to grasp it once you have it. The bible does not mention that Abraham made an idol out of Isaac, but God does instruct Abraham to sacrifice Isaac, which God may call you to do with something you hold near and dear (Genesis 22:2). This obedient act returns Isaac back to Abraham with fresh eyes, a deeper faith and trust in God and many blessings.

Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. Galatians 6:9

Paul tells us in Galations not to become weary in doing good, which can be hard when waiting is required. Not to become weary when we are waiting for test results or the diagnosis. Not to become weary in disciplining our child for hundredth time. Not to become weary in our marriage or ministry or position because we will reap a harvest if we do not give up. God will provide throughout the waiting and lead us graciously in to the next step.

While I'm waiting by John Waller tells of how to wait. Have a listen. 

I'm waiting, I'm waiting on You Lord

And I am hopeful, I'm waiting on You Lord

Though it is painful, but patiently I will wait

Praying that as you wait, you would worship and find peace in knowing that God is in control. Praying that your waiting would produce patience and perseverance and more trust than you have ever known. Praying that you would see the benefits of not having your request answered immediately and the work that God is doing in and around you because of it.

Praying that you would enjoy the waiting period. Praying that you would not get ahead of the plans or jump through hoops that God has intended on giving doors to walk through. Praying that you would not hold your child or job or spouse or possessions so tight that you feel them less. 

Here's to waiting and trusting.