Growing up, I never understood the plaque lovingly given to my mama by my aunt: when mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy, and Mama's reluctance about it. Essentially, it is a little like calling the kettle black and goes along with the old adage I learned from my grandfather in law a few years back: happy wife, happy life.

The core truth is the enormous impact we have as mamas and wives in our home. We have the ability to set the tone. For fun and learning or anger and condemnation.

Proverbs has a few things to say about what it is like to live with a wife who chooses the latter (and it even says it twice):

Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife. Proverbs 21:9 + Proverbs 25:24

A quarrelsome wife is like the constant dripping of a leaky roof. Proverbs 19:13 + Proverbs 27:15

No mama or wife wants to be described as quarrelsome but as days progress and seasons change, it can be easy to get stuck in routine and for complaining to become a go to language, so I thought I would share my "go tos" when things get a little tough.

Praying

Being a prayerful wife and or mama is like going to war for to defend your country and a way to keep God at the center of your home. Prayer is powerful and the way to combat spiritual warfare, to bring about a servants heart in yourself and others, and a means to be in relation with the God of the universe constantly.

In the midst of a disagreement with your spouse or child, taking time to invite God in to the situation is life changing. It gives new perspective and renews the heart and mind. It is hard to be bitter in the presence of a powerful God and a great reminder of his sovereignty overall.

Having someone praying for you throughout the day is a powerful weapon, as well. Being able to text a friend or spouse during a rough patch is encouraging for both parties involved, witnessing the need and the response.

Scripture

Taking a break throughout the day to read scripture brings God's word to life, even if it is just a moment. Instead of reaching for Facebook or other social media, open your bible to see what God has to say, if only for a few verses.

Having a set time through the day to study scripture is key to growing in your faith and trust in God, allowing you to reflect him during the harder times.  

If you do not have a chance to read, listening to scripture is a great option, too. The YouVersion Bible App has an audio portion that reads the bible to you, perfect to listen to in the car or while you do dishes. SeedsFamily Worship puts scripture put to songs, which I love to listen to anytime but really comes in handy on harder days.

Sing praise songs

When worship starts, it is hard to stay angry or mad. Being able to change your focus from the situation to God makes everything seem a little smaller and keeps God in perspective. 

Praying for you, whether your home is brimming with peace of filled with discontentment, that you would encounter God throughout your day and that it would change the ambience of your home. Praying that God would show you ways to make your home a haven and that you would diligently out in work to make it so, whether by picking up extra chores or not perusing a disagreement. Praying you would cloth yourself with strength and peace and mercy and strength as you serve your family and that you would be able to pour it out on them.

Here's to mamas and setting the tone. 

When I found out Francis Chan was coming out with a book on marriage, co - written with his wife, I was super excited (if I have not yet mentioned, Crazy Love is my FAVORITE book ever). You and Me Forever found its way under our tree for Christmas and my husband and I have been reading through it together. This past Friday we launched it with our life group, which was really, really exciting, like I could not fall asleep the other night because I was really excited. All that being said, marriage has been on my mind lately and I have been fervently praying for yours.

Marriage can be easily be entered with rose colored glasses until the faults and let downs come, which allows you to choose to comfort with grace and love or to tear down with anger. It has the opportunity to enhance your life or ruin you. It can be a blessing or feel like a curse or nothing at all. It can be full of adventure and fun or brimming with frustration and self. The choice is entirely up to the parties involved. How much work one is willing to give and how much grace there is to offer.

One of my favorite songs on marriage is Dancing in the Minefields by Andrew Peterson, perhaps because the lyrics are similar to our story or maybe it is the way he so eloquently weaves Christ and salvation in, too - whatever the reason, it is beautiful. Have a listen.

"I do" are the two most famous last words

The beginning of the end

But to lose your life for another I've heard

Is a good place to begin

'Cause the only way to find your life

Is to lay your own life down

And I believe it's an easy price

For the life that we have found

Marriage is about laying yourself down for another. Day after day. Not just to sleep next to or keep a warm spot on the right side of the bed. It is a constant laying down of your self. Laying down your pride and entitlement and putting on humility and servitude. Marriage is a means to transform you in to the likeness of Christ. It is meant to be an example of how Christ loves the church (Ephesians 5:25).

Praying that you would seek Christ first and in turn would see the transformation that occurs in your marriage. Praying that Christ would be the head of your marriage and that unity and love would abound more and more. Praying that you would have eyes to see your spouse as an opportunity to serve God and that it would change the way you approach situations. Praying that your marriage would draw you closer to God and that it would have a ripple effect on those around you, impacting the eternity of others for God's glory.

Praying that you would see hope in a seemingly hopeless marriage. Praying that you would seek wise counsel where needed and that love would cover a multitude of sin and unforgiveness. Praying that your eyes would be opened to your short comings and failures and that your spouse would meet you where you are at and that God would fill you to overflowing with ways to overcome them. 

Here's to reflecting Christ in your marriage and building unity. 

For Christmas my husband bought me a new mug. It was really sweet and had a verse picked out just for me by him. It was to replace the one and only mug I had that he had accidentally broke weeks before. I had had my eye on a few mugs. Ones with pretty handles in fun shades of color. Ones that were generous in size with fancy writing and would hold my warm cup of chai perfectly.  As I unwrapped the box Christmas morning, I was more than a little bummed to see a small, black, chalkboard style one inside with a verse about a cup on it. A cup verse on a cup?!

Usually, these sorts of things do not bother me. I generally love his taste in gifts, so I could not figure out why this upset me so much. Gifts are not my love language but I felt like I was ten years old again unwrapping the off brand ice cream maker because the Baskin Robbins ice cream maker had been sold out (although for the record, I did get it for my birthday the following year and it was all I hoped for - my love for ice cream started young).

I know my husband had great intentions and very thoughtfully picked it out. He apologized about the size when I confessed it was a little small and said he would return it. This was the part where I was super convicted of my ungrateful heart.

So often we are given gifts and they mean nothing. They are not what we wanted. We asked and hoped and prayed for something TOTALLY different. The old - we asked to go to France and ended up in Holland. So we return what we can or re-gift it or throw it in a drawer somewhere to eventually end up in donations.

God knows how to give gifts. He knows us better than anyone. He knows when we lay down and when we go to sleep and when we rise (Psalm 139:2). He knows what we need better than we do. And it is not that he gives bad gifts - the complete opposite of it is true -  the reality is that we are not always good at accepting them.

Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows. James 1:17

It is not easy to accept the gifts we did not ask for or ever dream of. The ones that seem mediocre and hardly appear worth a thank you.  The ones that get jumbled in the day. The gift of another sunrise and beds filled with sleeping children and cupboards stocked with choice food and closets full of clothes and cars to drive and shoes to wear and an office to work at.

Praying that this year your cup would overflow. Overflow with grace and compassion and thankfulness. Praying that this year would be the year that you see past the gifts to the heart of the giver. To heart of the one who thought so deeply about you and what would be the most beautiful present for you at this time in your life.

Praying that you learn to embrace each good and perfect gift that you receive with joy and gladness.

And because I could not help it, here's a little print to start your overflowing new year. Click to download an 8 x 10 print.

You prepare a table before me in the presence of my enemies. 

You anoint my head with oil; my cup overflows.

 Psalm 23:5 

Today marks the fifth anniversary of our marriage, nine and a half years as a couple and roughly fifteen years as friends. It is so fun to see where God has taken us. It was not even a year before we were married that we started our relationship with Jesus. Looking back, there would have been no way for our relationship to last, had we not met Jesus. I had perfected being stubborn, shutting down at confrontation (I am not a yeller), and getting my way in situations. Did I mention I come from a long line of strong willed women? When we decided to follow Jesus, our relationship changed in a way only God can do.

Several months before we were to say "I do," we attended a Rivercats game, the local AAA baseball team. We sat in the lawn seats, which is really just a big patch of grass on the away team's side and least expensive seats in the stadium. It is great to bring a blanket, hang out, people watch and not be confined in rows of seats. As we watched, an older gentleman came over to us and asked if we were dating or engaged. We answered yes and he proceeded to ask us if we knew Jesus. Yes, we just met him we had relied, to which he handed us a paper. He told us his name was Lloyd and about his wife, Bonnie, and how they had been married for years, which now I cannot recall how many, and how he volunteered at the stadium and made a little more small talk. Then he was on his way to other couples.

The paper we were handed was a list of their top ten for marriage. An amazing compilation of advice from a couple who experienced it first hand. An awesome gift to give someone who is in a relationship or about to be married or has been married for years. I know from my own experience that marriage is tough. Takes a lot of work. Sometimes more than you have strength to put in. But when you add Jesus to your marriage, everything changes. Grace changes. Love changes. And trust me, your marriage will never be the same.

I thought it would be fitting to share the list today and pray that if you find yourself in one of the above mentioned statuses that you would find some encouragement and benefit from someone who has been through it.

top ten list for marriage by Lloyd D. Reynolds

 10. Never yell at each other, unless the house is on fire. 

9. Celebrate the hundreds of things you like about each other rather than focusing on the two or three things that really bug you. 

8. Don't compare your spouse or your marriage with others. Each marriage and each spouse is unique. 

7. Don't leave - the way out is the way through. 

6. Take time to be sweethearts. Continue to date each other and spend occasional weekends away together. 

5. Develop genuine mutual respect and demonstrate it publicly and privately. 

4. Forgive each other when needed and be willing to say, "I'm sorry."

3. Love each other sacrificially and use the words, "I love you," often. 

2. Always enjoy talking to each other and talking to God together. Let God speak to you often as you read your bibles. 

1. Make lifetime commitments to each other and to your Savior, the Lord Jesus Christ.  


Here's a little design spin that I put on it in an 8x10. Click picture to download.