Over the past year, God has opened my eyes to small things that I thought I trusted him with and made me realize otherwise. He has shown me how some responses have been rooted in fear, instead out of pure trust. These days, he reminds me to ask myself what my decision is based on before answering. If it is rooted out of fear - what might happen or the possible side effects - then it is not of trust or him. Good judgment is crucial and trusting God that if something were to happen that it is all in the palm of his hand. Entirely depending on him for the outcome.

It is small daily fears that so easily entangle. Yes, fears of heights and alligators and sharks may be typical but usually do not pose a daily threat, whereas the fear of a school shooting or car accident or failing at a presentation at work or school may hold you captive and instill an automatic no response. Fear of your child being at school during a shooting or not get the best education, so he is moved to another. Fear of your child being in a car accident with a loved one driving, so she stays home. Fear of not being able to meet work expectations, so you decline the promotion or project. Fear of people looking down on you, so you do whatever is required. Fear of the unknown. Fear of something outside of your control. These are little snares that so easily entrap you throughout the day that you may not have even noticed them.

Tis so Sweet by Jadon Lavik is a beautiful version this classic. Have a listen.

’Tis so sweet to trust in Jesus,

Just to take Him at His Word;

Just to rest upon His promise,

And to know, “Thus saith the Lord!”

It is sweet to trust in Jesus. And rest in his Word and his promises. To not have to worry about anything. Scripture has so much to say about trust and testimonies of those who have gone before us with the benefits of trusting God. Abraham trusted God to go to a new land. Moses trusted God to lead the Israelites out of Egypt. Noah trusted and built an ark. Trust is not something that happens over night. It takes time. It requires a giving up of yourself to be able to trust God. To gauge his dependency status. To give him a chance to come through or if you will have to do it yourself. To allow him the follow through.

Praying that you will put your complete trust in God. Praying that you would not lean on your own understanding of the situation because sometimes we are not meant to understand but simply follow in obedience. Praying that you would be conscious of what you are basing your decisions off of and that God would guide you to one that requires trust. Praying that trust in him would be built and would be a constant in life. Praying that fear would not have a grip on you and for trust to be embedded in your being.

Here's to decisions and less fear. Here's to more confidence in God.

We sat playing inside the house listening to thunder and the patter of rain drops falling on the roof, until we heard the loud taps come. We raced to grab our shoes and rain coats and quickly opened the door. I did not want Penny to miss it. She had never before experienced hail, that I could recall. We walked out the back door and starred just as the last of the hail fell and the rain subsided. We turned our eyes to the ground to pick up some pieces and marvel at God's handiwork. 

Hearing thunder and seeing lightening and watching hail fall from the sky always reminds me of how big God is. The unknown timing of the thunder takes me by surprise and the sheer volume startles from time to time. A lot like God's nature. He's intense and surprises and is something to marvel and stand in awe about.

Jesus and his disciples were crossing the Sea of Galilee when they were caught up in a big storm. The waves were sweeping over the boat, which was nearly swamped, all the while Jesus was sleeping. His disciples on the other hand were in panic mode and woke him up saying they are going to drown. Jesus asked why they were afraid and if they still had no faith and immediately got up and rebuked the wind and waves. At once, everything became calm. The disciples then asked:

"What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!" (Matthew 8:27)

This moment is explained in three of the gospels: Matthew, Mark and Luke - all of which are very similar. It is interesting that in Mark's gospel, he adds that Jesus was sleeping on a cushion (Mark 4:38). Jesus must have been pretty comfortable sleeping in the boat, despite the circumstances around him. God had provided a place to lay his head and get rest, which he was taking advantage of, whereas the disciples were in caught up in fear and worry, unable to rest or remain calm. But despite their panic, they knew where to run for help during the storm - to Jesus.

The ability to be calm in the store requires faith and trust in God. Truly knowing that nothing will happen outside of God's control.

Strong Enough to Save by Tenth Avenue North is a perfect fit here. Have a listen.

And he'll break

Open the skies to save
Those who cry out his name
The One the wind and waves obey
Is strong enough to save you

Praying that you would run to Jesus with whatever storms you have in life. Praying that you would be so comfortable and firm in your faith that you are able to go through them without the panic. Praying that his guidance would startle your life in a thundering-good-wakeup-call kind of way, and you would marvel at his works throughout it. Praying that you would stand firm in the faith and know that God is for you. 

Praying that your fear and worry would be transformed in to pure, unfailing faith. Praying you would cry out his name knowing full well he will save you. 

Here's to calm during the storms. 

I had the opportunity to go on the women's retreat for my church this weekend, my first time away since my kiddos entered the world. I had planned on bringing my little guy, since he is still nursing but God had other plans and I am grateful for the time apart and some quality time with my mama and other fabulous ladies and inspiring leaders and speakers. It is amazing how God always has something for everyone and is faithful to start a good work in each of us. The theme this year was fearless, based on Proverbs 31:25. After lots of praying and fasting the past few weeks, God has been renewing my mind in him and drawing my thoughts to him instead of the things that were weighing me down, one of which was fear. Who knew?

I did not think too much about it going in to it but God revealed to me little incites and slivers of fear that had crept in different aspects, one of which is writing. As I have said, allowing others to read the words that God has me sharing is not easy but I know that is what he is calling me to do.

Fear is one of those sneaky things that hides in the middle of something else and masquerades as other things, like doubt and what ifs and worry. It takes away a little bit of you before you knew it even crept in. It takes your joy. It holds you back and keeps you from a fulfilling life.

Fear intertwines with confusion. It coincides with normalcy and screams safety. Fear is hidden in the thoughts of taking chances and sides with not making mistakes.

So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. Isaiah 41:10

This verse from Isaiah is my favorite of the "do not fear verses." One that I go back to and God pops it in my head at the appropriate time. God tells us not to fear. This particular verse is regarding Israel's release from captivity, which had been caused by their disobedience. God is speaking of hope for the captives. They will be set free. He will set you free. He will help you. He will restore you and turn desert in to pools of water (41:18). It is such a beautiful picture of how God makes beauty from the ashes. He uses our fears and takes them to bring glory to him alone.

Perhaps you find yourself in fear because of a decision you made or an event that happened out of your control. Or a choice you do not want anyone to know about. Whatever the cause, I pray that you would allow God to take your fear and give you truth and a sound mind and show you how to give yourself grace.

Over and over again scripture says not to fear. We do not need to fear men (Matthew 10:28). Or what we will eat or drink or about our life (Matthew 6:25). God has it all in the palm of his hand.

I pray that God will reveal to you any fears that are holding you back and that you will be able to stand in front of them with God leading the way. Praying you will be set free from any lies or misconceptions and focus on the truth that God is for you. You are his. And you are beautiful.

And I have to share the theme song for the retreat, You Make Me Brave by Bethel Music. Another awesome Bethel song, one I had not heard before but is amazing. Have a listen.

You make me brave. No fear can hinder now the Love that made a way.

Here's to not being ashamed of your fears but finding power in knowing that God is your strength and will show you how to overcome them. Here's to being brave. 

Learning to stand. Watching a baby learn to stand is exciting and terrifying at the same time. Jude, and his nearly eight month old self, is just about at this point right now. With standing coming, more challenges arise as do the things to get in to. And more ways to attempt to baby proof. Then there is the ever impending fall.

In Matthew, Jesus heals a possessed man. The evil spirits leave him and go in to nearby pigs, which end up jumping off a cliff and drowning in the water below. The man was healed. Pigs were killed. After this happens scripture says:

The whole town went out to meet Jesus. And when they saw him, they pleaded with him to leave their region. Matthew 8:34

The whole town just witnessed a miracle. They met the promised Messiah, yet they pleaded with him to leave. There was no thanking him for healing the man or asking for further teaching or even another miracle. Just a request to leave. The town did now want Jesus among them. They did not care about the healed man. Luke's account of this story goes a bit further stating they wanted him to leave "because they were overcome with fear" (Luke 8:37).

Believing in Jesus can come with a certain amount of fear. What will people think when you start talking about believing in Jesus? What will you have to do? What do you have to give up? What rules do you have to follow? Are you really forgiven? What does this Christianity thing look like?

When everything boils down, Christianity looks like people. It looks like people coming along side one another showing them how to stand. How to stand in the gap for each other and with each other. How to love each other as Jesus taught. How to stand up for what Jesus taught and the things he stood for.

It looks like doing to others as you would have them do to you (Matt 7:12). It looks like you falling and your community being there to catch you when you lose your footing. It looks like them helping you up and showing you where the solid ground is and loving you where you are at. It looks like grace and love and mercy wrapped in a congregation on a Sunday morning. 

I pray that if you have not taken a stand in your faith, that you would ask God to guide you to. To give you the courageousness needed to take the next step. That fear would not have a hold on you but you would cling to hope. I pray you would find a community of believers that you will allow yourself to be just that, yourself - complete with all your messiness and love.

I pray that if you have your community established that you would be in prayer for God to open your eyes for others who do not yet have it. That you would see who God has placed by you, just for the purpose of you coming along side them. That you would give encouragement and answer questions and help build some footing in Christ. 

I think The Stand by Hillsong is fabulous and a great standing anthem. Have a listen. 

I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned in awe of the one who gave it all. I'll stand my soul Lord to you surrendered all I am is yours. 

Here's to standing firm in Christ and in the gap for others. Here's to community and the love and fun that it entails. 

When I gave my life to Jesus, my fears vanished. There was nothing left to fear. If I were to die, I knew I was all set. I was concerned about those I knew who had not yet met Jesus but I knew his timing would be perfect and not to worry about it.

Then I found out we were expecting. Somewhere along the positive pregnancy test fear was conceived, too. I worried I would lose the baby. I didn't tell anyone I was pregnant until after the first trimester for fear of miscarriage. I had a hard time believing I was going to be a mama. Our home remained free of baby paraphernalia until a friend brought over a cute basket with bath soaps. The little basket seemed so out of place in our small apartment. I continued to stay clear of any baby purchases for fear our place would be scattered with the paraphernalia without a baby to go along with it all.

Days and weeks and months went by. I checked the What to Expect app practically daily, reading interesting stats and tips and stories shared by other mamas. Baby continued to grow. All the tests looked great. Doctors said everything was fabulous. But I had read somewhere that someone's baby had this and that and no one knew and things got overlooked. Random scenarios played themselves over in my head.

When I went to my 37 week appointment, my doctor told me everything still looked great and that baby could be making her debut any day. What?! had yet to do anything baby related. The room was littered with all the gifts from the baby shower the week before. The bumpers still needed sewing. Clothes and blankets needed washing. Decals were to be put up. But in the back of my mind, the horrible scenarios continued to play out.

On a Friday evening, our little baby girl entered the world. Perfect in every way. I was officially a mama. And what was this mama to do? Read up on everything baby related. Sleeping. Eating. Developmental skills. I drove myself crazy. I needed an intervention, really. Months of worrying over everything. Was she breathing? Did she poop yet? Is the jaundice finally gone? Was she getting enough to eat? How is eczema treated? Is that rash part of the eczema or something else entirely? Projectile vomiting?! Was she rolling over yet? Was I doing everything I need to make her successful? Because everyone knows an infant needs to succeed. I was in constant fear that something was not right. And the books were of no help. Each one tells you something different.

One day God finally intervened. Well, I am sure he tried before hand, I just was not listening. I closed the books. Stopped comparing her to every baby I met or read about. I let her just be. No more nap attempts. No more failed routines. No more expectations. No more worry. No more fear. Peace returned in full capacity. It is amazing what listening to God will do, isn't it?

I wish I would have truly given everything to God to begin with. Truly surrendered her to Him at her baby dedication. Trying to make sure nothing bad happens is a horrible spot to be in seeing it is clearly is impossible. And the fear and worry make everything else so much harder. It takes the joy out of life. Of being a mama. Knowing God was with me and had her in his hands is comforting and would have been great to actually be living it out and believing it. Thankfully, God gave me another go at the whole thing and let me know He was with me every step of the way and continues to remind me He is watching over them and me, covering me with more peace that I even thought possible. 

Pregnancy number two started with more bumps than the first. Our first ultrasound there was no heart beat to be heard. The due date was unsure, so the doctor proceeded to tell us it could be too soon or I could have miscarried. The response was not what I was expecting, yet I was at peace about it. I knew that God was in control this time. I did not let fear get its grip on me. We waited. Another week. This time we had already told our family and close friends the day we found out and now we asked for prayers for our little baby. For God to do His thing. We returned. Beating away, we saw the heartbeat on the monitor and listened closely to the sound. The sound of life. The sound of hope. The sound of answered prayers. The sound of peace.

At our twenty week appointment we had our in depth ultrasound to check for the usual things. They checked and looked and poked and wrote on a piece of paper the sex baby, so we could take it to a bakery and find out with our family together that night. That afternoon I got a call from the doctor's office telling me that I needed to come back in for more pictures. Nothing is wrong, they assured me. Just need more pictures. More waiting. More peace followed. More waiting. More prayers. Everything was perfect. 

Over a month before my due date, I was in the hospital with contractions every three to five minutes and dilated to a three. The nurse looked at me and told us nonchalantly, baby could be coming today. Today?! We asked for more prayers for baby. The contractions finally stopped and we returned home. Two trips later, we had a healthy boy born about three weeks early. Healthy and perfect and covered in prayer, which is why we concluded that Elijah was a perfect middle name. A man of prayer. 

I pray that if you are living with fear or worry, you would turn it over to Jesus. It is amazing what it can do and how God will show you how to trust him all the more. Perfect love casts out fear and when we trust God, we allow ourselves to bask in his unfailing love. I wish I would have been able to do that with my first pregnancy but God redeemed it with my second and for that I am thankful. 

Isaiah 41:10 is one of my favorites about fear, so I thought I would leave you with an 8x10 printable, just in case you need a reminder. Click on picture to download. It is a great one to have memorized when fear creeps in.

Here's to more trusting and less fear. More smiles and less worry.