Giving grace to others is always easier than giving it to myself. Of course you could not come because things got busy - I totally get it. It is okay you forgot it - next time. Late again? God's timing is perfect - amen. Perhaps it is the fact that their stories are better with an epic climax about nearly solving world hunger all during lunch time. Or it's the tone in which it is explained that their child was sick again and up all night. Or the look in their eyes as they pour out their own short coming. Or perhaps they just know how to give themselves grace as God so freely gives to everyone - something that I have been learning the past few months, as I have been giving up my own expectations and leaning more on God's grace in the day to day and embracing my weaknesses.

It is knowing that when you are weak, then you are strong.

Therefore, in order to keep me from becoming conceited, I was given a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.  That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  2 Corinthians 12:7-10

Giving yourself grace begins with failure - knowing that you are a sinner (Romans 5:8) and that you are not meant to know how to do laundry, while prepping snacks for a daily adventure, all while holding a baby and simultaneously cleaning the house and tempting to answer the text message about dinner and the email about the event tonight but also knowing that God always offers forgiveness and grace nevertheless (Psalm 103:12). It is knowing that with Jesus failure is not an option, just a work in progress.  

Failure is not about giving up or being weak; it is about making yourself available to soak up God's grace and mercy. It is a giving up of yourself to allow God to fill you. Fill you will humility and forgiveness and a deeper communion with him.

It is learning that God's grace is sufficient no matter the circumstance. No matter what you have done. Here Paul is talking about how much he learned from his ailment. God says that his grace is sufficient for you. How much more should you freely give it to yourself?

If you expect too much from yourself and lack grace, you may end up feeling like a failure. But you will learn it, if nothing else. Learn humility and balance and forgiveness - for yourself and others.

Praying that you learn how to accept grace and give to yourself if you have not and that if you have mastered it, that you would share what you have learned with those around you because half of learning is teaching. When you really understand something, you can teach it to someone else (at least that is what my math teacher always said). Praying for more dependence on God through out your day and for his strength to be enough. Praying that you would overcome through Christ, since he has already overcome the world (John 16:33),

Here's to failure and more grace. 

The past two months, my mind has been in a sort of fog. The past few months I have been feeling guilty for everything. Sorry that I did not act the way I wanted in certain situations. Sorry that I said such and such. Sorry that I did not get the bathroom cleaned or the laundry finished. Sorry that I failed to do X,Y and Z. Feeling guilty for not measuring up and guilty for every action I make in parenting and friendships and my marriage. That I can do better. And constantly being in battle with doing what I do and then frustrated because I do not want to be frustrated. It is not a fun place to be and some days a prayer for God to push the perfect button on me bounces around my head.

Going in to marriage, I was advised to be careful about preconceived expectations I unknowingly had on my husband and God taught me early on in parenting about the issues with expectations on my child. During this struggle, he revealed the issues with self imposed expectations. This is something I have never thought about or even occurred to me to be an issue.

 I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do I do not do, but what I hate I do. And if I do what I do not want to do, I agree that the law is good.  As it is, it is no longer I myself who do it, but it is sin living in me. For I know that good itself does not dwell in me, that is, in my sinful nature. For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out. For I do not do the good I want to do, but the evil I do not want to do—this I keep on doing.  Now if I do what I do not want to do, it is no longer I who do it, but it is sin living in me that does it. Romans  7: 15-20

I can SO relate to Paul here. It can sound like a circle when you read it, which is how it feels sometimes. I desire to do good and be a great mother and wife and daughter and friend and do God's will and some days it seems like all I do is fall short but that is not what God is calling me to do or to be. Perhaps you can relate. Hear this truth: God is calling us to love him with all our heart and all our soul and all our mind (Matthew 22:37).  

He does not have expectations. Sin is in the world and we are not perfect There is a constant battle of us verse sin but Christ already won. Satan does not want you to see yourself in that light and when you fall in to the temptation of feeling like a constant failure. you are falling in to sin and not living in the victory that Christ has given us. 

You must focus on him and not your own strength or to do list. Personal expectations make you miss blessings right in front of you because you are too busy focusing on what you want rather than what God has graciously given you. It may also lead to other sin, as a result. 

I pray that God would open your eyes to any unknown expectations of yourself that you have been carrying around. I pray that you would feel the freedom that comes from letting go of your own agenda and to do lists and that you would enjoy his peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7).

Rest assured, you are doing the best you can do with the resources you have, with the skill sets that God has given you for this season. Do not fret over the past. Be forgiven. Ask forgiveness where forgiveness is needed and accept it and move on. Christ died for your sins and because he overcame death, hope can be found. Stand firm in the faith and in him and be a witness to how he works out the good for those he loves (Romans 8:28). He loves you despite your expectations, failed or not.  

I love Owl City's rendition of In Christ Alone. Reminiscent of high school days where the anthems of the Postal Service were constantly blaring but that is another story. Have a listen.

In Christ alone my hope is found, He is my light, my strength, my song; This Cornerstone, this solid Ground, Firm through the fiercest drought and storm. What heights of love, what depths of peace, When fears are stilled, when strivings cease! My Comforter, my All in All, Here in the love of Christ I stand.

 Here's to less expectations and more lavishing the love of God.  

I have had a love affair with anything DIY since I can remember, yet my constant future career was always a solid: a teacher and a writer. My elementary school years were littered with homemade books with topics ranging from flowers to adventure and of course my personal journal; all the while playing school with my siblings. I even gave homework. Somewhere God intertwined this desire in my soul from my birth and writing has always been my decompressor, if you will. My constant place to go when the going gets tough or something needs to be articulated better than I can verbalize.

At the start of high school, one of my best friends was told by our English teacher that she should join the journalism class. She also liked to write and really is amazing at it, too. Little me had no idea there was such a thing and was bummed that I was not asked. Oh little me. Did I mention how shy and naive and insecure I was back then? I will spare you but trust me. Looking back, this was my pivot point, where I started going after more creative projects and ended up perusing fashion design and merchandising in college. I loved designing though. And still love it now. But. But. But. But this is point where God calls me back to His purpose for me. Back to my other love.  Back to my roots. Back to writing.

For the last year and half, God has been whispering and telling and calling me to write. I wrote a little for myself but really did not pay that much attention to it. Why not? I am not sure, really. I like to think I am usually obedient to His calling but for some reason I hesitated this time. Not that I did not want to write. It just did not seem that important and all of those fun DIY projects on Pinterest luring me to make them did not help. It was not until this past week that I finally started listening. Finally started writing more. Sometimes I really need a flashing sign with DO THIS written on it for confirmation or maybe just a sermon entitled "The Next Step," with a guest speaker who says he also did not listen to God's call for a year. Isn't God funny that way?

Recently I came across a post about taking pictures of daily life and how it made the mundane beautiful. While I totally agree and pictures are of high value and importance to me, the first thing that came to mind was writing. For me, writing takes out some of the mundane and adds sprinkles of character and light. The right word changes the entire situation. Not to take away from the smiles and laughter only caught in the perfect moment of a photograph. Writing on the other hand adds elements that a picture can only take so far. It adds emotion where there once may not have been. It provides a back story and possibly a hope for the future. It adds more time than a picture possibly ever could.

There is almost something sacred in the stringing together of words to form the memories of moments past and still to come. They are owned by the writer. No one can take that from them or add to it. Anyone can take a picture of someone posing with a birthday cake but no one will have the same thoughts or feeling about that moment captured in time. They belong to the writer. The inventor of that moment as it played out in their head as the final candle was blown out. That is beauty. That is the gift of daily life. That is God's gift of words.

I have no idea what this writing thing looks like or what God wants to do with it. It is out of my comfort zone, which seems to be a constant in my relationship with God; He's pretty funny that way, too. It is easy to write down words that make sense to me but to write them and allow others to read them, well that is another story. I know God will continue to give me things to share. Things He wants me to share. This week alone has been filled with random tidbits and pieces already. So this is the part where my stomach ties itself in knots and extra prayers are prayed and God and I go out on another adventure together. I wonder what it will look like this time around.