Has there ever been a time when you almost missed something extraordinary, caught up in your own anxiety or pain? How did you push yourself back into the present, out of your own head?

For Christmas, on a year with hardly a budget to spend, I splurged and bought Ricardo a new game he had been wanting. He had been busy between working full time and finishing up his BS and a superfluous amount of group projects and helping with the youth group and easing in to parenthood, I thought it would give him something to enjoy between semesters. It had been on an end cap at Target and in the giving mood, it made its way in to the cart and home with me.

I cannot recall exactly how it transpired anymore but my mom had also purchased the game, on a different platform and told me ahead of time. Knowing this, I wrapped the game up and tucked it under the tree with the intentions of letting him chose which would be the one he liked best and returning the other.

As the package was unwrapped and the title excitedly exposed, I let him know of the choice and he made it, deciding on the other platform, agreeing we would return the one I had purchased. My mom brought the game over later, as we exchanged a few gifts and hugs and cinnamon rolls, enjoying Penny's first Christmas.

And finally, Ricardo's family from out of state came by with presents and laughter and more exchanging of cinnamon rolls. Conversations went on and in talking with his brother both of the games were opened. I sat there in disbelief and frustration, as we agreed we would return one.

You said you wanted the other one. I reminded Ricardo. We were going to return that one.

His brother just looked at me, game in hand, unable to be returned.

I tried not to let it bother me. His brother had no idea what was going on, nor did my in laws but clearly the tension could be cut with a knife as the packaging plastic was unraveled from around the case.

My chest tightened and frustration set in as I regretted my whimsical decision to purchase the game. I could have let my mom exchange the one she had for the one he wanted if he decided on the other platform. He could have waited one more day to play it. Thoughts ran over in my head.

I hardly remember the rest of the visit, as I settled in to frustration over the situation, not wanting to give in to it but not knowing how to let go of the annoyance and money lost.

After my in laws left, we sat on the floor in Penny's room as she crawled around in the burgundy dress I had sewn for her that matched the bow headband I had crocheted for her to wear on her first Christmas. This was not how I had hoped or thought it would be celebrated.

Confrontation between us is not common and this one surfaced so quickly it caught me off guard, like a few years before when he accidentally threw our clothes away during our Weird California inspired road trip, mistaking them for garbage at our first campsite.

There on the floor, he apologized and reminded me of the my choice to be frustrated or to forgive and enjoy the rest of the day, in his usual calm and collected manor. Reminding me I had a choice to shut down and be angry or carpe diem and savor what was left. And so I tried my best to let it dissolve as we drove over to the Christmas celebration with his extended family, still a little mad but not letting it determine the remainder of the day.

I almost missed out on the joy of Penny's first Christmas because of a silly game and its monetary value. I almost missed out on the celebration of Jesus' birth and rare quality time with family because of one decision and miscommunication.

Perspective and people and listening have a way of getting us out of our own heads and of course God continuing to work in us. It also helps to have a husband who can see the bigger picture (most of the time) who can remind of better things. 

Here's to getting out of our own heads and past anxiety and pain.

____________________________________________________

This is part of a 365 day blogging series through Savor by Shauna Niequist. If you would like to blog along, whether daily or weekly, I would love to have you for the journey; be sure to link back to the post. And if you are not a blogger, you can join along, too. Just leave your response and answers in the comments.

Merriam-Webster defines a gift as something that is given to another person or to a group or organization. Today gifts of all sorts are being exchanged. Sweaters and game systems. New phones and Barbies and toys of every shape and size. So much excitement and anticipation on the faces of children, young and old. There is something special about receiving a gift. A shiny, new thing you can use and hold and look at. Something that will cut down on kitchen prep time or help with work or will add a new dimension to your hobby.

Most gifts are unwrapped from pretty paper that held a bow or two but some of the very best ones are things you cannot hold in your hand or keep forever. The gift of time. Time with those you treasure so. The gift of salvation and promise of eternal life (John 3:16). The gift of forgiveness. Forgiving yourself and others for past mistakes and failures. The gift of transparency. Allowing yourself to be you, mess and all and giving God the praise for where you have come from.

Transparency is a key component in relationships of any kind. Being able to be honest about feelings and expectations and dreams is the only way for a relationship to be nurtured and have the capabilities to thrive, especially our relationship with God, who already knows it all.

The bible states how nothing is hidden. God knows everything about you (and everyone else, if that is of any comfort, Psalm 139).

No one lights a lamp and hides it in a clay jar or puts it under a bed. Instead, they put it on a stand, so that those who come in can see the light. For there is nothing hidden that will not be disclosed, and nothing concealed that will not be known or brought out into the open. Luke 8:16-17

Everything is exposed and if it has not been yet, then it will be. Just give it time. Jesus came that we would have freedom (Isaiah 61:1). He came to set us free. Being transparent aids in our freedom - for ourselves and others. We are not made to hide our short comings or malfunctions. We are made to openly share where we have come from and because of the power of God through Jesus, we are no longer there. We were meant to shine with the light we have been given. To shine through our past situations or current trials. It teaches humility and shows others what it looks like. 

Being transparent turns your shame into God's fame. Transparency allows you to be okay with who you are - who God made you to be. It allows you to openly admit that you are not perfect and did things you would rather not have done or had things done to you that were out of your control. 

Being transparent takes some of the hardest life experiences and allows God to transform them in to more beauty than has ever been. It allows God to take out the victim aspect from rape or domestic abuse or child abuse and turn it in to his victory because through him, we can overcome. It allows God to take the shame out of the divorce or addiction or depression and allows him to give us new perspective on it all and restore us.

It enables us to being honest with others instead of shimming around for an indignant answer. It allows us to be welcomed in to the club of redemption. Redemption from disappointments and struggles and breakdowns.

Praying that you would give the gift of transparency throughout this coming year. That you would have discernment to know when to speak and what to share and what is better left unsaid. Praying that any shame you find yourself carrying that God would redeem to it to a source of victory.

Praying that you would give it at any cost because giving when something actually has a cost - a reputation or job title or relationship status - is the hardest to give. Praying that you would experience the candid warmth that is brought through transparency.

Here's to gift giving and transparency and a merry Christmas.

My most favoritest Christmas song is Go Tell it on the Mountain. It is fun how many different versions there are to choose from but there is nothing like singing alongside others live. My favorite recorded version to date is by Tenth Avenue North. Have a listen.

Go, Tell It On The Mountain,

Over the hills and everywhere

After the shepherds saw Jesus, they went to tell everyone about his birth and what they saw. The people on the low scale of society were witnesses to the birth of the savior. Following their example, we also have things to tell about Jesus, as well, as he commanded (Mark 16:15). Although we do not have to literally tell it on the mountain or hold up signs on corners or billboards -unless God directs you that way but that is another story. But we do get the privilege to live it out. To tell the good news of the life of Jesus with our actions and speech each day we are given breath. We get to proclaim the good news of Jesus and what he has done in our lives. About how he saved us from the sin that so easily entangled us and how we are victorious because of him. About how he has restored us to better than we have ever been and continues to guide our steps in hope and joy.

There is so much truth in the little saying: share the gospel, use words when necessary. Our lives speak volumes for themselves. Our actions and demeanor. How we respond to others. How situations are handled. How we interact with the barista or sales associate or co-worker or husband or friend. They are all indicators of where our heart is resting - with God or otherwise.

Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect, keeping a clear conscience, so that those who speak maliciously against your good behavior in Christ may be ashamed of their slander. 1 Peter 3:15-16

Peter tells us to always be prepared to give an answer when someone asks why we do what we do. Why we act the way we act. Why we have hope in hopeless situations. Why we have joy through financial hardships or illnesses or job loss. Why we have peace when others speak maliciously against us and try to tear us down. Be prepared because people will be able to see the difference in you, whether or not they comment on it. You are different. You are chosen. You are God's beloved. 

Praying that you would seek God for direction in your actions and conduct. Praying that God would open your eyes to what you are telling on the mountain about him with your life and that it would glorifying to him. Praying that you would think about what you post on Facebook or Instagram before you hit post. Praying that you would consider your activities and current events and how they relate to your telling of God's story in your life. Praying that the words you use would be ones of encouragement, not only to others but to yourself.

Praying that you would be bold to tell others of what God has done in your life and not be ashamed of where God took you from because someone may still be where you once were. Praying that you would follow the guidance of the holy spirit as you go about your day and enjoy your daily encounters with family and friends and neighbors and co-workers and managers and each person God places in your path. 

Here's to words to speak and actions to accompany them. Here's to telling it on the mountain. 

As I sat listening to the telling of the Christmas story during my first pregnancy, my perspective on it was forever changed. And the Christmas following the birth of my daughter changed it even more. Seeing things from a mama's point of view tends to do that.

Perspective on logistical things, like traveling on a donkey during the third trimester of pregnancy. A donkey. I had issues traveling via car. And what about potty breaks?

Sleeping on the ground while nine months pregnant. No pillows?

The smell of the animals in the stable. I could hardly stand the smell of a fridge.

Giving birth in a stable. A. Stable. With. Animals. With your first child. Not knowing what to expect.

Mary was a champ. I know this is all silly but part of Mary's life and things I cannot even envision.

Then there is the emotional side of it. Giving birth to the Savior of the world was a pretty big deal. And the responsibility of raising him was, too. The love that Mary had for Jesus was different than that of anyone else. One of a mama. A chosen mama, who was with child before she was married. The love of Mary for Jesus is unimaginable.

There is nothing like the feeling of your baby being placed on your chest after birth and the first looks. The first official meeting of the one who has been wiggling and moving and poking around for months. But meeting the Savior of the world after carrying him for months and looking in to his little eyes and touching his little hands, that I cannot fathom.

You're Here by Francesca Battistelli really conveys this aspect of Mary as a mama. Have listen.

I don't know how long I'm going to have you for

But I'll be watching when you change the world

Look at your hands, they're still so small

Someday you're going

To stretch them out and save us all

Having a child is like having a little piece of God with you. God has given you his creation as a special gift. Whether through birth or otherwise. A gift none the less. A gift to raise and teach and mold. To give laughter and life. You do not know the length of the duration or what he or she will grow up to do but you have him none the less. You get a front row view to watch as he changes the world, little by little, with whatever God has made him to do. It can be daunting to think of the outcome of decisions you have to make while raising and all the what ifs or if you mess him up. But God has grace to give and wisdom to guide. And Mary was already in charge of raising the Savior of the world, so no pressure on you. 

Praying that this Christmas season you will look at the Christmas story a little differently, as well as your children. Praying that you would see the gift in each smile and laugh and all the learning and discipline. Praying that you would see the humanity of Jesus, our Emmanuel, God with us, as well as his glory. Praying you would truly enjoy mamahood this Christmas with gratitude and love. 

Here's to mamahood and Mary. Here's to the birth of Jesus. 

And just in case you missed the past few Music Monday Christmas edition and looking for some Christmas tunes, here they are:

A Hallelujah Christmas

Merry Christmas Everyone

The past week has been a little blurry. Trips to the ER and text updates and preschool volunteering and of course the care of two littles and their activities and has filled my days. It was a trying week but God has been so faithful. No matter how physically exhausted or tired, he always blesses. He blesses the conversations and keeps it going a bit more and allows rest and keeps giving peace that transcends all understanding (Philippians 4:6-7). He constantly leaves little blessings and reassurance throughout the day. One of the verses on my phone this week was Ecclesiastes 11:5:

As you do not know the path of the wind, or how the body is formed in a mother’s womb, so you cannot understand the work of God, the Maker of all things.

It was such a beautiful reminder and made me laugh. I never understand God's plans but I know he works for the good of those who love him and that is enough for me to know (Romans 8:28). It is one thing to say we trust him but another to get the opportunity to live it out. To see it played out as you trust him to do good. To do good in the health of loved ones. To do good in work relationships. In children's decisions. In your life. He is doing good. Can you see it?

Can you see him weaving his goodness in to your moments and hours and days? Can you see it this Christmas season? Can you see it in the humble birth and teachings of Jesus who died to save humanity? To save you. Cloverton's song, A Hallelujah Christmas, is a beautiful rendition of this. Have a listen. 

I know You came to rescue me

This baby boy would grow to be

A man and one day die for me and you

Praying that your eyes will continued to be opened to see glimpses of God's mysteries in your life. Praying that whatever you are going through that you will be able to trust God. Truly trusting in His word and what he promises. They are not empty or void but full of life. Praying that you would be able to see the development of your faith as you cling to them and that you would come out with more than you knew you had.

Praying that you would focus on Jesus and all that he has done in your life as you celebrate Christmas. Praying that you would find hallelujahs throughout your day and praise God.

Here's to more hallelujahs and trusting. 

Happy December. Happy last month of the year. Happy almost Christmas and New Year. Oh happy day. This month commemorates the first year of our little man and we are excited to celebrate that, along with the birth of Jesus, of course.

The weekend after Thanksgiving we start hanging Christmas decorations and put up the tree. We drink warm apple cider and eat yummy, homemade sugar cookies and listen to Christmas music. Just a simple tradition but one that we love none the less. This year Rend Collective came out with their own Christmas album, which is fabulous and perfect for Christmas decorating dance parties.

This song, Merry Christmas Everyone, is so fun. How can you not get in the Christmas mood and spread some cheer? Have a listen.

Time for parties and celebration.

And people dancing all night long.

Christmas is fun, right? But what about Christianity? When you hear the word Christianity do you think fun? When you think of the savior of the world coming down, living with man and dying for the sins of humanity? For you. For me. Does that convey fun? Is following Jesus fun to you?

When you move out of hearing the word of God to living it out and doing it (James 1:22), the party starts. Comfort zones start to lessen. Random conversations with strangers begin and Jesus fills the time. The adventure begins. And the fun. The fun of sharing life altering news with others you never dreamed of sharing with. And doing things you never thought were possible. New experiences are sure to abound.

In Acts, after being persecuted for believing in Jesus, Peter and John rejoiced for being found worthy of suffering disgrace for the name of Jesus (Acts 5:41). They are rejoicing because of persecution. Fun? Definitely not to my standards. But they were excited to be found worthy to suffer for Jesus. They understood the extent of what Jesus did for them and they were able to rejoice accordingly.

In Mark Batterson's book, Wild Goose Chase, he talks about how ancient Celtics referred to following the holy spirit as just that - a wild goose chase. You cannot fathom the direction it will go. Just where it will turn. What terrain it will run to. Where it will lead you is an unknown. When you follow the holy spirit, you will be lead to places you cannot imagine. You will have unexpected conversations and friends you never thought possible. Healing that nothing can compare to. And you will find yourself having fun along the way.

Praying that among the shopping and wrapping and baking and embracing our Emmanuel, Christ with us, that you have fun. That you would enjoy the ability to purchase items for loved ones and have fun. That it would not be burdensome or out of obligation but of loved. 

Praying that you see the fun and joy in Christ and that your spectrum would be broadened this season to see God with an increasing clarity.

Here's to fun and Christmas and Christianity.