Choosing Joy

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3:00 PM
When I write lately, I find myself feeling closer to God than I can get anywhere else. Typically reading scripture and songs do it for me, as well as nature but they just don't seem to cut it. Perhaps that is why I feel like I'm falling apart at every turn and bump along the way. God keeps pulling me to writing and I read mind numbing pointless words on a screen instead. I feel like a wreck and I cannot get a grip on piecing myself back together. Everything is so beautiful but my lack of joy makes it incomplete. I keep reading "choose joy, choose joy" and know that it is a choice. 

Nothing can give you true joy but God and with that comes a choice. CHOOSE JOY. No other methods of numbing the anger or pain work, except making a deliberate choice to be joyful despite the situation, with God's help, of course. Despite the fact that your daughter is whining in the doctor's office during your son's visit and not listening in the slightest. Despite the fact that while leaving the public bathroom, which was a gamble in it of itself seeing as it was you who needed to be relieved, your daughter bursts in to full on hysterical tears after being kindly asked to sit back in her stroller and the lady outside gives you a look, since it sounded like you just beat her instead. It is choosing joy when you are almost in tears and tell your husband it has been a trying morning and he accuses you of trying to cut him off of coffee, since during that trying morning you overlooked it on the list while your daughter is guiding you through the store and you are praying there is not another melt down in sight. 

It is choosing joy when life gets messy and you feel like you want to fall apart and find yourself wondering why you have to choose joy to begin with. Why God can't send down some joy dust and in response you would start dancing with some hallelujahs. But that isn't a choice. The choice is easy when all the ts are crossed and the is are dotted and the kiddos are down for a nap at the same time for just a teeny bit and you feel like you will be able to survive the rest of the day. 

The choice is when it is hard. When the house is a disaster, you have a million errands to run and a mile long, well maybe not a mile long but close, to do list and your kiddos don't seem to be on the same page and putting shoes on apparently is a big deal. It's in those moments that God whispers, yes it is whisper because if he yelled I think I may just loose the rest of my marbles that are strung all over that mile long to do list, choose joy. 

Decisions happen in the moments and it is in each of those moments that you have to decide who you want to be. Do you want to be the joy filled mama or the mama filled with anger and frustration? It sounds so simple, of course you want to be the joy filled mama and typically, some time after the 54246 quick prayers are sent up to God, that is who you are. That is who you choose to be and who God is helping you to become. Some days, you fail and let the enemy get the best of you but that is where God's grace finds you as you curl up with your bible and pray for forgiveness and help, all the while apologizing to the little innocent by standers affected by your sinful outburst.  
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